"But when I think about it, immediately, without rationalizing too much, I don't think about effort, work, routine or repetition. I don't think about perseverance, or resilience, or sweat. I think of spontaneous instead of manufactured. I think of floating instead of acting. I think of verbs like sliding, leaving, running, flying. I think of abandoning myself instead of building myself. And that may be a mistake. When I think of freedom, I'm very likely to mistake it for escape."
""It occurred to me that what we did in the mountains has a lot to do with force. What we do on a daily basis too, but that's what I call resist. What is this ability to withstand this level of dissatisfaction that doesn't sink me too much. That prevents forces unfavorable causes me to disintegrate completely, but only that. IS a movement against. A resistance, a barrier body, that doesn't moves, nor changes, because you are afraid to move something deconstruct everything else.""
George Orwell said: "I write because there is a lie that I want to denounce". Here's mine. And so I started writing again, and praying (in this new faith that was trying to make me grow), and telling my story to others, hoping to receive others that could help. We cannot expect others to talk about their vulnerabilities without giving ours for the exchange. It would be impolite.
"I always have the impression of waiting. Something I don't know what is, or when it started. I am increasingly convinced that the sense of waiting was born with me. Sometimes that waiting takes on an object. It can be a love, or a certain capacity that I need to learn, or specific day that I need to arrive."
"The truth is, I still didn't know what it was like to be resilient. I call it something else, because it seems to me that it is a different capacity than resistance. One is no longer keeps going and letting go. One remakes the body and the head at each obstacle. One already he does not try to remain the same, that same whole. One becomes another, for come out more whole. One no longer thinks if it will last until the end, because by the end it will have I gain different abilities that I could not suspect at first."
"When I meditate I usually imagine that in my belly there is another rita, smaller, looser, calmer, always sitting straighter than I would be able to. This rita follows the breath regardless of what is going on around her. She is enveloped in a bubble of energy that protects her from everything, and that makes her never tired. It exists only to breathe. For her, everything exists on a different plane, away from her, alien to her. She realizes everything, and is not involved in anything. It is very likely a stoic."